New beginnings

No matter how hard I’ve always tried to keep up with a simple diary or blog to update daily, I have never kept on with either. I’ve made up my mind that I will only post when I want, catching up and will only do this for me. Either posting something every other week or once every months. But thank you to all that still check up.

Coming close to the end of the year, like many, I’ve been reminiscing a lot lately about this whole year. This year has been a year that’s been a rollercoaster. It’s been a year where I’ve cried so much, laughed so much, learned so much, and experienced a lot. The beginning of my year started out as going down hill then uphill. With this specific event that happened, it made me experience so many things at once. It took a huge toll on me, both emotionally and mentally. I really did felt like I was going crazy. But later on during the year, I learned to not let one person ruin everything I have and what I could have, like meaningful friendships. It still is hard for me to this day to be honest. But I’ve learned from it and I’m at the point where I am mending and letting go, day by day.

For the past few years, I’ve always tried to make as much friends as possible, but this year; I’ve clung to a few that I dearly love. I did make new friends, but there are only a few where I hangout with on a weekly basis. People who I view as much real friends. I’ve made friendships that made me realize how real and how fake people could be. I don’t need a lot of friends, just enough that I can count on with my fingers.

I’ve received countless blessings and privileges to be part of different events and parts. I think for this year, I have experienced the love and joy Jehovah has been giving me the most. I’ve learned to fully put all of my trust in him along with my burdensome. He’s opened my eyes to things I’ve never views about. And the things that  I have meditated on, he has helped me accomplish it.

With work and personal life combined, I’ve recently realized I do too much than I should. Working full time, my schedule changes on a weekly basis. With my hours, I try to fit everything that I can into one day. Early morning service, work, afternoon RVs, plans with friends, personal study, housework.. it’s all doable, but very energy consuming. I’ve always been used to keeping busy, I forgot where the line is between keeping busy and overworking. I noticed bad changes in myself. I bring work with me home. I’m always tired and very easily irritated. I’m becoming a coffee addict. I’m always speeding to get somewhere on time (explains the tickets). I really do not know where I have all this energy from, and it’s definitely not from the coffee (trust me), but I am starting to slow down. My friends has been noticing a change in me and my attitude. I seem out of place when with people, being more quiet and moody.

All I can say and know right now is, I am drained. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. It hurts. I always told myself to never ever become a workaholic, but truth is.. I am. I work too hard, trying to do everything. I need to remember that I’m just an imperfect human being. And that there’s only so much I can do and take in until I lose it. I’m still trying to recover from the 15 hour shift I did this past weekend. I’ve done double shifts before, so I thought I would be okay. Little did I know, I’ve reached my limit.

It’s time for a change.

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